Easy? What's that?

I've never been an easy girl...not as a stubborn child, potty mouthed teenager, or in high school with the boys (couldn't resist)...so what would give me the crazy idea that any part of my pregnancy (or getting pregnant for that matter) would be easy!?

Today I scheduled an impromptu visit with my OB-GYN.  It was the BEST ultrasound to date!  Baby Hoffman, “Chudo”, was feeling very acrobatic today doing somersaults and waving its arms around saying hi to mommy!  The ultrasound technician is brilliant and got some phenomenal shots of Baby Hoffman (the pictures really are amazing but just watching our baby move around and than lay perfectly for the picture-breathtaking and tearful)!  It was the first ultrasound that I cried at!  Not that the other ultrasounds weren’t equally touching and exciting, I think it more had to do with the relief that “chudo” looked so wonderful- he was just so big, and defined (the profile, and arms and legs) and active and I was overwhelmed because of the initial reason I was there! 



1st picture- Baby H is waving hi to mommy
2nd picture you can see Baby H has daddys long lean feet! SO CUTE



Why did I schedule this impromptu visit?  Yesterday and this morning I woke up with a dark brown discharge in my panty liner.  Normally the discharge is bright yellow (from the progesterone inserts that I put in each night) but not for the past two mornings and it concerned me (especially since today there was a little more than yesterday).

Turns out that I have what is called a subchorionic hematoma.  Read about it by clicking here or here.  These websites descriptions are closest to the way that my doctor explained it to me.  Dr. Conatser was optimistic and said the most important thing to focus on is that my baby has a good strong heartbeat and that it’s moving around and growing perfectly.  The hematoma (blood clot) will most likely fix itself (what he said).

As you might imagine I am a basket case! I’m going back and forth between feeling confident that it WILL FIX ITSELF to feeling self pitty and disgust that we have this horrifying “we’ll see” over our heads.  Major bummer that what I thought was the scary part (first trimester) was nearly over and now we have something else to worry about.  Now I have to wait EVEN longer until I can feel safe and comfortable and not vulnerable and scared.  As lucky as we have been throughout this whole process I still cant help but be pissed…yes we have been lucky…lucky for someone who had to go through IVF in the first place…cant at least a portion of this be easy!?  Apparently not.

This all comes after such a wonderful holiday with our families and when I was finally allowing myself to get excited and start planning.  I was planning a maternity clothes shopping trip this weekend (all of my shirts are showing what looks like a “large lunch food baby”), and a prenatal massage for when I reach my 2^nd trimester, and a normal sex routine with my husband when I am no longer doing those nasty vaginal inserts (in 2 days), and exercise-I was finally starting to feel confident that it was okay to do light exercise, and maybe even allow myself the 6-8 ounces of caffeine (oooo coffee) that I am told is okay!  Now I feel like I should just plan on sticking to my normal 12 hours of sleep, and go to work routine with no fun in between (pretty lame I know)! UGH! I’ll say it again…can’t at least a portion of this be easy?

Other than today’s news, JCH and I are feeling pretty good- completely out of our norm, but good.  We’ve had some very productive conversations over the past week over how we’re feeling emotionally and what each others concerns, questions, and wants are- short and long term.  We’ve got a lot of big decisions to make over the next few months and a lot of really exciting milestones!  Next tuesday will be a follow up appointment with Dr. Conatser and next Friday is our 1st trimester screening!  Keep us in your thoughts! xoxo