Holidaze

So many exciting things happening and I have been in a complete DAZE for most of it.  My bed time is still around 7pm (needless to say I'm missing a nice chunk of the day) and yet I'm still VERY sleepy.  I'm finding it hard to finish sentences (which makes blog-writing quite a challenge) and often lose my train of thought mid-sentence.  When I say DAZE I mean I am typically outgoing, talkative and extremely and overly excited about things...and lately a smile (that comes from auto-pilot and not necessarily from fully understanding my surroundings) is about much as you’ll get out of me.  I feel like such a bore to be around and primarily worry that JCH is really getting the worst of it.

Last Wednesday was our 2nd ultrasound and so exciting!  It was the first ultrasound with my OB-GYN (since leaving Winslow and Patty in Florida) and so we had a lot to cover.  After we had gotten through my 100 (x100000) questions we moved on to the fun part.  Dr. Conatser, the ultrasound tech and JCH all stared at the screen that I couldn't see for over ONE MINUTE and nobody said a word (or showed expression on their faces).  FINALLY Dr. C tells me that they found "it" and that there is a heartbeat.  It took nearly a minute for them to find "it" and for that minute I was slightly freaking out.  Then JCH pulls out his phone and asks if we can record the heart beat.  Dr. C is very apprehensive about using the "high frequency" ultrasound equipment for too long so we literally got about 3 seconds...BEST 3 seconds of my life!!!  Without even playing it back on JCH's phone I feel like I can hear it's heartbeat in my head, and feel it in my body.  Yesterday I took a lukewarm bath (I'm not supposed to have a hot bath just yet) and the little pool of water in my belly button looked as though it was moving along to a heart beat..."mine or the babys'?", I wondered.  Really cool to even think it might be the baby (although I understand I’m a 1st trimester mommy-to-be, hopeful for exciting and fun signs of the pregnancy and not just puking and tired).

Lima Bean last week-a Grape this week!

Remember the spokesperson role that JCH had taken on?  Now imagine brainless me and a 15 person film and lighting crew (I say that, but it surprisingly wasn't all that bad).  JCH completely downplayed (or just wasn't paying attention to) the whole "guy from CALIFORNIA coming out to film us" scenario.  JCH said 1-2 people would come over…there were 15 people-3 guys filming, 2 sound tech, 3 light techs, 3 photographers, and a hair and make-up person…plus a couple extra people for interviewing and moving furniture.  They literally turned my house upside down.  It was really cool how they morphed our personal space into looking like a studio.  I didn’t get that many pictures because I was slightly overwhelmed but I do have a couple to share.

Another REALLY exciting thing is that we are flying home to see our families over the holidays!  We are flying from Charleston to Minot, North Dakota to spend Christmas with my family, and than from there will fly to DFW, Texas to spend New Years with my in-laws.  I was hopeful for a white Christmas in North Dakota but unfortunately there is no snow on the ground or in the 10 day forecast.  The good news is that decreases the chances we will have trouble with our flights.  The bad news is that I bought my snow boots for no reason, I don’t get to make a snow man and snow angels with my nieces, and we wont get to go sledding (though that was a questionable activity for me anyway).  How is there no snow in one of the coldest places in the country? Rude.

Lastly, one of my best friends in the whole world (who introduced JCH and I in college) has gifted the great city of NYC with her impeccable taste and beyond ridiculous resources and attention to detail (this girl gets it done-and better than anyone I know).  She has started her own boutique event planning and styling company- Ever Swoon (facebook page here).  She has an amazing personal blog called “Walks with Bella” and she was the friend who suggested and inspired me to write a blog to share my IVF experience.  Starting Ever Swoon is such a huge…HUGE step in her life and I feel like my tiredness and sickness have caused me to be absent from supporting her and following her through this exciting launch.  Normally the two of us would spend hours video chatting online and sending each other links to websites (pre-Pinterest days) of inspiration and excitement.  How could I be missing so much? The only explanation is that I REALLY am THAT tired and THAT sick!  But I won’t fret—I’ll be back! 

I’m hoping I’ve only got a couple weeks left of this DAZE and I will be feeling like my normal self again.  For the sake of my husband, my friendships and hell I’ll just say it…my sex life! 

I have been extremely sentimental the past few days and we're still settling on an “en utero” name.  I’m playing around with the idea of “miracle baby” (but not so literal)…I’ve tried translating that to Latin, German, Norwegian to see if I could get a cute catchy word with no luck so far-- cudo pronounced “chewdo” means “miracle” in Croatian but I feel like that’s kinda a stretch-what do you think? We’ve got to stop calling our baby “it”!

Well...anyway...Happy Holidaze! :) (pun intended)



Equipment and crew outside of my house



make-up and hair while they set up in the background

TRAIN WRECK

I’m falling apart (or maybe I’ve always been this way and my heightened senses are making me finally see it).

I should have had my flu shot yesterday (or weeks ago for that matter) and yet I’m still sitting here typing just as vulnerable as ever (without one).  Two days ago we had a very adorable little baby in our office and today we found out he has the flu.  Yes I coddled him-played with his cheeks, feet and hands while he was here (how could I resist?).  Now I’m freaking out!  I should go get my flu shot after work but I’m so tired I feel like I can barely even drive home.

Speaking of tired… I’ve been increasingly tired lately.  I fell asleep on the couch last night (per the usual) and when John got me up to go to sleep in our bed I had a little crying fit.  Picture a two year old when they are up WAY past their bed time and they are so tired that they get super cranky…that was me last night- I couldn’t help it, I had a crying fit!  I’m so tired.  I’m tired in the morning, and during the day, and talk about a “mid-day slump”-mine is worse than you can imagine and it doesn’t get any better from there.  What is even worse about my tiredness is that I could have been preventing it to some degree.  I spoke to Patty at F.I.R.M. today and she asked if I was getting tired and I told her that I was a zombie.  She asked if I was doing my progesterone insertions at night and I told her one in the morning and one at night.  She told me that I should ONLY be doing them at night.  "One when I get home and one right before bed and to tell JCH that I am out of commission from that point on" (her exact words).  So basically she is telling me that I have been “out of commission” for the past 3 weeks all day every day! OIY! That explains a lot! I’ll let you know how I feel once I start ONLY doing them at night! Thank goodness for Patty (but how did I seriously miss those instructions?).

Other than that…super green (and it’s not from my Green Monsters).  I have been getting increasingly nauseous lately.  I puked for my first time today…and it was while driving.  I pulled into the Starbucks parking lot without even putting my car into park or being in a space and flung my door open.  People ACTUALLY honked at me as if it wasn’t obvious what was going on (so embarrassing).

On top of being SUPER tired and SUPER sick I’m slightly overwhelmed.  JCH and I have so many big decisions to make in the next coming weeks.  PLUS, he has been chosen as the new spokes model for a pharmaceutical company that produces a drug that he takes.  So a man is flying out from California to video tape and snap photos of us in our “every day life” and natural environment (yes, in my house).  I know I shouldn’t worry but those who know me know that I am slightly OCD about “presentation” and our house has to be perfect for this.  YIKES! Wish me luck!

ME-last night! :(

So, yep, train wreck! That’s what I am.

Groundbreaking!

TUMMY changes-I was beginning to doubt the reality of my pregnancy since I've felt so good the past few weeks (no chance I'm just one of those lucky girls) and just as it seems I was almost hoping for it, “here comes the nausea”! WHOA! Yesterday I struggled in the morning and just as I was planning out my “sprite and cracker day” my awesome husband brings me some “sea bands” (sea bands are wristbands that fisherman use that activate a pressure point on the wrist that is supposed to prevent nausea).  All day I was slightly nauseous but not nearly as bad as I was that morning.  As you can imagine the sea bands are NOT comfortable so today I opted to see what I would be like without them…ugh…not good.  I’ve been snacking all morning and just as I was force-feeding my 3rd snack of the morning- my blueberry muffins- I awakened my gag-reflux.  Put the muffins down and find a toilet asap! UGH!  This afternoon I ran to pick up a few bottles of ginger-ale and that has surprisingly helped…a lot! My mind couldn't rest easy until I was actually symptomatically pregnant (and miserable)!

CRAVINGS- I’m not really having cravings except for-for things that I am not allowed to eat- club sandwiches (no deli meat), oysters (we have huge oyster roasts all over Charleston this time of year-so it’s kind of like torture to not be able to eat oysters), and sushi (yeah sure I can eat a California Roll-but who wants to).  As soon as something sounds good in my head I can’t seem to get rid of the thought of eating it.  So far it’s only been oranges, pickles, and chicken caesar salads (not so strange-just yet).

REALITY- Both JCH and I have had some serious reality checks within the past few weeks.  By now most of us have watched a video of a woman giving birth.  I’ve watched a few-in high school, in college and possibly once just out of curiosity.  Recently JCH and I were talking about a friends labor issues and HE decided to pull up a video.  It hit me! That is going to be me in about 7 months!  The contents of the video suddenly became MUCH MUCH worse!  I guess before, it was difficult to identify with and understand the woman’s feelings and difficulties, but now that I am envisioning myself doing it, it looks like the most painful thing to have to happen to a person (which is usually the description).  TOTAL reality CHECK for me.  JCH and I went to visit our dear friends in Asheville, NC this weekend and their new beautiful 5 WEEK OLD son.  What an amazing weekend!  I cooed and cried and couldn’t get enough of him.  JCH took a whole day before he even got up the courage to hold him (at which point looked like he had shit his pants-JCH that is-not the baby).  At one point in the trip the baby had gotten a little fussy and JCH looked at me in fear as if he was wondering what we had gotten ourselves into (I know he doesn't feel that way-just a little reality check). This spurred a lot of conversation on the drive home.  We need to start meeting with child care providers, and figure out if we want to buy a house or move, or stay where we are, what to call our “in utero” baby (peanut, sprout, baby-h, alien, etc.), and we also tossed around some potential baby names.  What a great trip!  So much of this past week was necessary and beneficial to helping JCH and I get motivated to start making some important decisions!  We’ve got SO MUCH to do in SO LITTLE time.

Amongst the sickness and tiredness I have not forgotten how lucky we are to be pregnant and how excited we are to have a chance at being parents!  EVERY SINGLE DAY I worry about my little "in utero", and am constantly thinking about what I put into my body and what I do physically that might effect it.  I'm 100% thinking about this baby and how excited we are to be pregnant and hopeful parents! WE CANT WAIT! Our little "in utero" is about the size of a blueberry today! Growing fast!

I feel like this cartoon-luckily for me, most people have said I'm glowing (in a good way)

Pregnancy Brain

We had our very first ultrasound yesterday morning down in Jacksonville with Dr. Winslow at F.I.R.M., and with all of that driving Wednesday and Thursday I was just too exhausted to write an update.  You won’t believe what we did.

Winslow comes into the room and tells us that we are 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant and that we should be able to see and hear a heartbeat by now.  I asked him if I could record it and he smiled and said, “of course”!  The ultrasound begins and within seconds Winslow is able to tell us that we have ONE strong rapid heartbeat.  Yes, just one.  One healthy baby!  Winslow measured our baby and said it is growing at a perfect rate, and that its heartbeat is solid and strong (which is another thing they look for and like to see).  As soon as I text my mom she says, “rapid heartbeat means its a baby girl”!  I guess she’s had 4 of us- she should be able to tell by now.  Let the betting pools begin.  Winslow looked around a little more to be sure one wasn’t hiding and we talk A LOT about our miracle baby and how it’s growing and before I know it I’m sitting up and asking my “questions” and everyone is getting a little chuckle at my expense. 

As I’m getting dressed it instantly occurs to me that WE DIDN’T LISTEN TO THE HEARTBEAT! Somehow every single one of us got so caught up in talking that we forgot to listen to the heartbeat.  JCH asked if I wanted him to grab the doctor so we could do it, but we decided it would give us something else to look forward to the next time.  SILLY BILLY’s…I cannot believe we forgot!  After all of the anticipation of getting to hear it and we forgot!  So now the next big thing (other than watching the progression of our babies’ growth and to be sure it remains healthy) is to LISTEN to the heartbeat.  SO EXCITED!

In the meantime, I’m feeling pretty good.  I’m just barely a little queasy.  I get waves of nausea randomly throughout the day but its manageable and nothing like I was expecting.  I’m still SO TIRED though.  That has definitely been the hardest part of all of this…and with no coffee either!

Our baby is almost the size of a blueberry right now and growing fast.  I’m still drinking my “green monsters” and trying to eat sweet potatoes and other super foods to keep my baby growing strong.  I haven’t picked up my prenatal yoga videos yet, but I feel like my hips and thighs are growing exponentially every day…so I need to start getting some exercise.  The next ultrasound is 2-3 weeks but I will keep y’all posted in the meantime with any changes.

This little handsome man is a friend of mines' nephew.  Seriously one of the cutest things I've seen in a long time.  Can anyone tell me where I can find that toy? SERIOUSLY SO CUTE!