Ultrasounds pics and preggo humor...oh my!

Today I don’t have any big news to share (or rather any news to share) so I wanted to share this hilarious blog post that a friend shared with me! It's called "Porn for Pregnant Ladies"--check it out by clicking here. (It's not really porn for those cautious-I promise it's worth it)

PLUS I've got a few ultrasound pictures (with commentary) from last Friday’s appointment to share!



The ONLY 4-D picture we got
Sucking his thumb, covering his face with one arm,
and sitting "indian style"



Facing the camera- you can see eye sockets
and his one arm pressed against my belly



Beautiful profile picture



Sucking "his" thumb- which is becoming "the standard"

Oh yes! I'm really excited for my shopping date this weekend with a girlfriend.  I am now shamefully sporting the "unbuttoned pants" look so it's extremely necessary! :) Let's hope I dont have another "exhaustion/dehydration/sickness spell" -this will be my 3rd attempt at shopping for "bigger clothes" (3rd times a charm, I hope). :)

Helllllllo 2nd trimester?

A good friend of mine (also 13 weeks pregnant) ventured out with me to attend a prenatal yoga class last Thursday and I think I speak for both of us when I say how awesome it was.  It’s ridiculous how WEAK my body has gotten from absolutely NO EXERCISE over the past few months.  Okay, I have had some exercise, if you count my daily puking routine as an abdominal workout.  I must say it’s pretty effective in the sweat-breaking and lunch buster departments but highly un-enjoyable and not recommended!  Prenatal yoga however was awesome!  My poor thighs shook with each lunge that we held more than a few seconds, and my arms screamed for a break during warrior pose but it felt so great and I honestly wish I could do it everyday.  I didn’t break a sweat but my body (and mind) felt so good afterwards.  I bought a bundle of classes so not only will I be returning for more “arm screaming and thigh shaking” I’ve got a little fire under my “ever growing” butt to finally do something about that “yoga room” I initially planned on having.

Speaking of holistic therapies I also had an acupuncture treatment this weekend.  The purpose of this treatment was “to promote overall health and function of my body and organs” to assist with the healing of my “SCH” (subchorionic hematoma).  I’ve had acupuncture before but never did the needles hurt going in…this time they did.  Is the pregnancy making my body sensitive maybe? I’ll keep y’all posted on whether I feel the treatment was helpful.  I was disappointed to find out that acupuncture can’t be used for “pain management” further into the pregnancy (back pain, etc.) as acupuncturists are banned from points on the abdomen, lower back, head and ears…which apparently are the major “points” that help with that sort of thing…major bummer.

Friday we had our 1st trimester screening and everything seemed to be going perfectly. According to the ultrasound evaluation our baby has all normal measurements and although we’re still waiting on the results from the blood screening the doctor said based on what he sees we should have nothing to worry about.  They were screening for increased or decreased risk of chromosomal abnormalities that would potentially cause Down Syndrome, Trisomy-21, and Trisomy-18.  Should hear something this week. 

With the 1st trimester screening out of the way I am longing for the 2nd trimester to “officially” begin…meaning no more puking, more energy, less grouchy…more of the bubbly happy pregnant lady that I always imagined myself to be... I’ve also always imagined myself to be a food loving, face stuffing fool...fried pickles and strange “street food vendors”...yummy yummy yummy! Still, I’m on a “need to force food down” basis…not cool…when do I get to eat?

JCH and I talked a lot this weekend about baby plans.  For those who know me pretty well I’m slightly annoying when it comes to “planning”.  “Failure to plan is planning to fail” is a strict motto that normally helps me stay focused and grounded (and sane), but right now it's just a haunting subconscious that I cant tune out.  All I can accomplish lately is the bare minimum (and that is really a stretch) so you can only imagine the internal battle I've got going on...I just want to start nesting!

I've got a ton of pics to share from our appointment last friday, but the pictures are on a CD and apparently the disk reader on my laptop is broken...soooo I'll try to post some tomorrow from work! For now...we are "out of the closet" and official since posting this picture on facebook tonight!

We're OFFICIAL

My Little Indian Boy (or girl)

The most dramatic development this week: Reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements.
-Baby Center, 12 Weeks

What is so fascinating about this tidbit of information is that at today’s ultrasound “baby hoffman” was sucking his thumb.  I think “he” is ahead of his class!  Not only is his mouth making sucking movements…he’s already found his thumb and fingers and is just “having a ball” with them.  Mommy’s first prideful moment! Smarty pants hoffman! He takes after his daddy (has a big head like daddy too).  These ultrasounds just keep getting better!  Last week was my first emotional ultrasound and this week both JCH and I were crying (well he had tears in his eyes and the most prideful look on his face-worth a million bucks).  Baby hoffman also sat “Indian style” for a while at one point during his tumbling act…it was beyond amazing!

Dr. Conatser said the subchorionic hematoma (let’s just refer to it as SCH from now on) looked better and to forget that it even exists.  I asked him his opinions on acupuncture as an alternative therapy and he said that he believes that it is helpful in some circumstances, but cannot find any “scientific data” that backs it up (a very “doctor” reply).  He said he is comfortable with it if I would like to give it a try.  I think I might!  He said he has heard a lot of success with acupuncture helping with pain management during pregnancy and labor…so maybe that will be something I also discuss with the acupuncturist (since I’m considering “no drugs” as my birth plan).  Stay tuned on that!  I’m still not set in stone- I’ve just barely begun the tedious amounts of research I plan to do prior to making a decision!  Also, noteworthy is that I spoke with Dr. Winslow and Patty (from F.I.R.M.) and they said that because the blood was already brown it most likely means the clot has resolved itself and is shrinking.  They too were not too concerned.  Conatser said most likely I will get a full report from the specialists that we see this Friday for our “1^st trimester screening”…man we are spoiled with all these ultrasounds!

I think I had previously mentioned the difference in “my family” and “JCH’s family” when it came to “gender preferences”.  I have been chatting away with my sisters and like to provoke humor from their previous comments of “it better be a girl or else” and thought I would share a couple texts that made me giggle.

It’s weird, but I feel like baby hoffman is going to be a boy (as you can tell I’m already referring to baby hoffman as “he” in my writing).  A friend at work and I looked it up on the Chinese calendar and that too says baby hoffman will be a boy.  Another really cool thing about the Chinese calendar is that apparently this year is the “year of the dragon” meaning that it is a lucky year!  Another friend told me that they read an article about it being “the year of the dragon” online and apparently China is expecting a major “baby boom” because of it.  Hopefully we don’t have a baby boom here…that just means more competitive preschools, colleges, and job market for baby hoffman and his birth year friends.  Protective mommy doesn’t like the sound of that!  Stay tuned…I’ll most likely post after our ultrasound on Friday too! Good bye 1st trimester...hellllllllo 2nd trimester (hopefully that means no more puking too).

p.s. One quick last thing! If you are reading PLEASE comment on my blog! Most of y'all are not "following" which is fine I know "tech savvy" isn't for everyone-but if you could at least comment here (rather than shoot me texts/emails once you read) it would be a better way for me to keep records.  I plan to print this blog for baby hoffman to read one day and having your words of wisdom, excitement and encouragement will make it so much better! One day when baby hoffman is 20 years old and has known you for 20 years he will look back at your comment and it will mean a lot to him too! Plus, the emotional support and knowing I'm not just blabbing to myself will make me feel better too (you know these crazy hormones).  Okay-that's it for now! xoxo



a little bump appeared over night
(this outfit usually accentuates my waistline-not so much right now)



Easy? What's that?

I've never been an easy girl...not as a stubborn child, potty mouthed teenager, or in high school with the boys (couldn't resist)...so what would give me the crazy idea that any part of my pregnancy (or getting pregnant for that matter) would be easy!?

Today I scheduled an impromptu visit with my OB-GYN.  It was the BEST ultrasound to date!  Baby Hoffman, “Chudo”, was feeling very acrobatic today doing somersaults and waving its arms around saying hi to mommy!  The ultrasound technician is brilliant and got some phenomenal shots of Baby Hoffman (the pictures really are amazing but just watching our baby move around and than lay perfectly for the picture-breathtaking and tearful)!  It was the first ultrasound that I cried at!  Not that the other ultrasounds weren’t equally touching and exciting, I think it more had to do with the relief that “chudo” looked so wonderful- he was just so big, and defined (the profile, and arms and legs) and active and I was overwhelmed because of the initial reason I was there! 



1st picture- Baby H is waving hi to mommy
2nd picture you can see Baby H has daddys long lean feet! SO CUTE



Why did I schedule this impromptu visit?  Yesterday and this morning I woke up with a dark brown discharge in my panty liner.  Normally the discharge is bright yellow (from the progesterone inserts that I put in each night) but not for the past two mornings and it concerned me (especially since today there was a little more than yesterday).

Turns out that I have what is called a subchorionic hematoma.  Read about it by clicking here or here.  These websites descriptions are closest to the way that my doctor explained it to me.  Dr. Conatser was optimistic and said the most important thing to focus on is that my baby has a good strong heartbeat and that it’s moving around and growing perfectly.  The hematoma (blood clot) will most likely fix itself (what he said).

As you might imagine I am a basket case! I’m going back and forth between feeling confident that it WILL FIX ITSELF to feeling self pitty and disgust that we have this horrifying “we’ll see” over our heads.  Major bummer that what I thought was the scary part (first trimester) was nearly over and now we have something else to worry about.  Now I have to wait EVEN longer until I can feel safe and comfortable and not vulnerable and scared.  As lucky as we have been throughout this whole process I still cant help but be pissed…yes we have been lucky…lucky for someone who had to go through IVF in the first place…cant at least a portion of this be easy!?  Apparently not.

This all comes after such a wonderful holiday with our families and when I was finally allowing myself to get excited and start planning.  I was planning a maternity clothes shopping trip this weekend (all of my shirts are showing what looks like a “large lunch food baby”), and a prenatal massage for when I reach my 2^nd trimester, and a normal sex routine with my husband when I am no longer doing those nasty vaginal inserts (in 2 days), and exercise-I was finally starting to feel confident that it was okay to do light exercise, and maybe even allow myself the 6-8 ounces of caffeine (oooo coffee) that I am told is okay!  Now I feel like I should just plan on sticking to my normal 12 hours of sleep, and go to work routine with no fun in between (pretty lame I know)! UGH! I’ll say it again…can’t at least a portion of this be easy?

Other than today’s news, JCH and I are feeling pretty good- completely out of our norm, but good.  We’ve had some very productive conversations over the past week over how we’re feeling emotionally and what each others concerns, questions, and wants are- short and long term.  We’ve got a lot of big decisions to make over the next few months and a lot of really exciting milestones!  Next tuesday will be a follow up appointment with Dr. Conatser and next Friday is our 1st trimester screening!  Keep us in your thoughts! xoxo

Holidaze

So many exciting things happening and I have been in a complete DAZE for most of it.  My bed time is still around 7pm (needless to say I'm missing a nice chunk of the day) and yet I'm still VERY sleepy.  I'm finding it hard to finish sentences (which makes blog-writing quite a challenge) and often lose my train of thought mid-sentence.  When I say DAZE I mean I am typically outgoing, talkative and extremely and overly excited about things...and lately a smile (that comes from auto-pilot and not necessarily from fully understanding my surroundings) is about much as you’ll get out of me.  I feel like such a bore to be around and primarily worry that JCH is really getting the worst of it.

Last Wednesday was our 2nd ultrasound and so exciting!  It was the first ultrasound with my OB-GYN (since leaving Winslow and Patty in Florida) and so we had a lot to cover.  After we had gotten through my 100 (x100000) questions we moved on to the fun part.  Dr. Conatser, the ultrasound tech and JCH all stared at the screen that I couldn't see for over ONE MINUTE and nobody said a word (or showed expression on their faces).  FINALLY Dr. C tells me that they found "it" and that there is a heartbeat.  It took nearly a minute for them to find "it" and for that minute I was slightly freaking out.  Then JCH pulls out his phone and asks if we can record the heart beat.  Dr. C is very apprehensive about using the "high frequency" ultrasound equipment for too long so we literally got about 3 seconds...BEST 3 seconds of my life!!!  Without even playing it back on JCH's phone I feel like I can hear it's heartbeat in my head, and feel it in my body.  Yesterday I took a lukewarm bath (I'm not supposed to have a hot bath just yet) and the little pool of water in my belly button looked as though it was moving along to a heart beat..."mine or the babys'?", I wondered.  Really cool to even think it might be the baby (although I understand I’m a 1st trimester mommy-to-be, hopeful for exciting and fun signs of the pregnancy and not just puking and tired).

Lima Bean last week-a Grape this week!

Remember the spokesperson role that JCH had taken on?  Now imagine brainless me and a 15 person film and lighting crew (I say that, but it surprisingly wasn't all that bad).  JCH completely downplayed (or just wasn't paying attention to) the whole "guy from CALIFORNIA coming out to film us" scenario.  JCH said 1-2 people would come over…there were 15 people-3 guys filming, 2 sound tech, 3 light techs, 3 photographers, and a hair and make-up person…plus a couple extra people for interviewing and moving furniture.  They literally turned my house upside down.  It was really cool how they morphed our personal space into looking like a studio.  I didn’t get that many pictures because I was slightly overwhelmed but I do have a couple to share.

Another REALLY exciting thing is that we are flying home to see our families over the holidays!  We are flying from Charleston to Minot, North Dakota to spend Christmas with my family, and than from there will fly to DFW, Texas to spend New Years with my in-laws.  I was hopeful for a white Christmas in North Dakota but unfortunately there is no snow on the ground or in the 10 day forecast.  The good news is that decreases the chances we will have trouble with our flights.  The bad news is that I bought my snow boots for no reason, I don’t get to make a snow man and snow angels with my nieces, and we wont get to go sledding (though that was a questionable activity for me anyway).  How is there no snow in one of the coldest places in the country? Rude.

Lastly, one of my best friends in the whole world (who introduced JCH and I in college) has gifted the great city of NYC with her impeccable taste and beyond ridiculous resources and attention to detail (this girl gets it done-and better than anyone I know).  She has started her own boutique event planning and styling company- Ever Swoon (facebook page here).  She has an amazing personal blog called “Walks with Bella” and she was the friend who suggested and inspired me to write a blog to share my IVF experience.  Starting Ever Swoon is such a huge…HUGE step in her life and I feel like my tiredness and sickness have caused me to be absent from supporting her and following her through this exciting launch.  Normally the two of us would spend hours video chatting online and sending each other links to websites (pre-Pinterest days) of inspiration and excitement.  How could I be missing so much? The only explanation is that I REALLY am THAT tired and THAT sick!  But I won’t fret—I’ll be back! 

I’m hoping I’ve only got a couple weeks left of this DAZE and I will be feeling like my normal self again.  For the sake of my husband, my friendships and hell I’ll just say it…my sex life! 

I have been extremely sentimental the past few days and we're still settling on an “en utero” name.  I’m playing around with the idea of “miracle baby” (but not so literal)…I’ve tried translating that to Latin, German, Norwegian to see if I could get a cute catchy word with no luck so far-- cudo pronounced “chewdo” means “miracle” in Croatian but I feel like that’s kinda a stretch-what do you think? We’ve got to stop calling our baby “it”!

Well...anyway...Happy Holidaze! :) (pun intended)



Equipment and crew outside of my house



make-up and hair while they set up in the background

TRAIN WRECK

I’m falling apart (or maybe I’ve always been this way and my heightened senses are making me finally see it).

I should have had my flu shot yesterday (or weeks ago for that matter) and yet I’m still sitting here typing just as vulnerable as ever (without one).  Two days ago we had a very adorable little baby in our office and today we found out he has the flu.  Yes I coddled him-played with his cheeks, feet and hands while he was here (how could I resist?).  Now I’m freaking out!  I should go get my flu shot after work but I’m so tired I feel like I can barely even drive home.

Speaking of tired… I’ve been increasingly tired lately.  I fell asleep on the couch last night (per the usual) and when John got me up to go to sleep in our bed I had a little crying fit.  Picture a two year old when they are up WAY past their bed time and they are so tired that they get super cranky…that was me last night- I couldn’t help it, I had a crying fit!  I’m so tired.  I’m tired in the morning, and during the day, and talk about a “mid-day slump”-mine is worse than you can imagine and it doesn’t get any better from there.  What is even worse about my tiredness is that I could have been preventing it to some degree.  I spoke to Patty at F.I.R.M. today and she asked if I was getting tired and I told her that I was a zombie.  She asked if I was doing my progesterone insertions at night and I told her one in the morning and one at night.  She told me that I should ONLY be doing them at night.  "One when I get home and one right before bed and to tell JCH that I am out of commission from that point on" (her exact words).  So basically she is telling me that I have been “out of commission” for the past 3 weeks all day every day! OIY! That explains a lot! I’ll let you know how I feel once I start ONLY doing them at night! Thank goodness for Patty (but how did I seriously miss those instructions?).

Other than that…super green (and it’s not from my Green Monsters).  I have been getting increasingly nauseous lately.  I puked for my first time today…and it was while driving.  I pulled into the Starbucks parking lot without even putting my car into park or being in a space and flung my door open.  People ACTUALLY honked at me as if it wasn’t obvious what was going on (so embarrassing).

On top of being SUPER tired and SUPER sick I’m slightly overwhelmed.  JCH and I have so many big decisions to make in the next coming weeks.  PLUS, he has been chosen as the new spokes model for a pharmaceutical company that produces a drug that he takes.  So a man is flying out from California to video tape and snap photos of us in our “every day life” and natural environment (yes, in my house).  I know I shouldn’t worry but those who know me know that I am slightly OCD about “presentation” and our house has to be perfect for this.  YIKES! Wish me luck!

ME-last night! :(

So, yep, train wreck! That’s what I am.

Groundbreaking!

TUMMY changes-I was beginning to doubt the reality of my pregnancy since I've felt so good the past few weeks (no chance I'm just one of those lucky girls) and just as it seems I was almost hoping for it, “here comes the nausea”! WHOA! Yesterday I struggled in the morning and just as I was planning out my “sprite and cracker day” my awesome husband brings me some “sea bands” (sea bands are wristbands that fisherman use that activate a pressure point on the wrist that is supposed to prevent nausea).  All day I was slightly nauseous but not nearly as bad as I was that morning.  As you can imagine the sea bands are NOT comfortable so today I opted to see what I would be like without them…ugh…not good.  I’ve been snacking all morning and just as I was force-feeding my 3rd snack of the morning- my blueberry muffins- I awakened my gag-reflux.  Put the muffins down and find a toilet asap! UGH!  This afternoon I ran to pick up a few bottles of ginger-ale and that has surprisingly helped…a lot! My mind couldn't rest easy until I was actually symptomatically pregnant (and miserable)!

CRAVINGS- I’m not really having cravings except for-for things that I am not allowed to eat- club sandwiches (no deli meat), oysters (we have huge oyster roasts all over Charleston this time of year-so it’s kind of like torture to not be able to eat oysters), and sushi (yeah sure I can eat a California Roll-but who wants to).  As soon as something sounds good in my head I can’t seem to get rid of the thought of eating it.  So far it’s only been oranges, pickles, and chicken caesar salads (not so strange-just yet).

REALITY- Both JCH and I have had some serious reality checks within the past few weeks.  By now most of us have watched a video of a woman giving birth.  I’ve watched a few-in high school, in college and possibly once just out of curiosity.  Recently JCH and I were talking about a friends labor issues and HE decided to pull up a video.  It hit me! That is going to be me in about 7 months!  The contents of the video suddenly became MUCH MUCH worse!  I guess before, it was difficult to identify with and understand the woman’s feelings and difficulties, but now that I am envisioning myself doing it, it looks like the most painful thing to have to happen to a person (which is usually the description).  TOTAL reality CHECK for me.  JCH and I went to visit our dear friends in Asheville, NC this weekend and their new beautiful 5 WEEK OLD son.  What an amazing weekend!  I cooed and cried and couldn’t get enough of him.  JCH took a whole day before he even got up the courage to hold him (at which point looked like he had shit his pants-JCH that is-not the baby).  At one point in the trip the baby had gotten a little fussy and JCH looked at me in fear as if he was wondering what we had gotten ourselves into (I know he doesn't feel that way-just a little reality check). This spurred a lot of conversation on the drive home.  We need to start meeting with child care providers, and figure out if we want to buy a house or move, or stay where we are, what to call our “in utero” baby (peanut, sprout, baby-h, alien, etc.), and we also tossed around some potential baby names.  What a great trip!  So much of this past week was necessary and beneficial to helping JCH and I get motivated to start making some important decisions!  We’ve got SO MUCH to do in SO LITTLE time.

Amongst the sickness and tiredness I have not forgotten how lucky we are to be pregnant and how excited we are to have a chance at being parents!  EVERY SINGLE DAY I worry about my little "in utero", and am constantly thinking about what I put into my body and what I do physically that might effect it.  I'm 100% thinking about this baby and how excited we are to be pregnant and hopeful parents! WE CANT WAIT! Our little "in utero" is about the size of a blueberry today! Growing fast!

I feel like this cartoon-luckily for me, most people have said I'm glowing (in a good way)